The hurt
The pain
Just so numb
Powerlessness
Futility
Despair
Loss of control
Out of control
Who’s in control
Not me
Numb
To feel anything
Except frustration
Except loss
Except sadness
Except depression
Except regret
Except the spiraling tunnel to nowhere but the depths of despair
Except the loss of light that you no longer feel, think, or believe exists
The desire to feel again
The desire to be again
The desire to get high to feel happy again
The desire to wallow in the depths of sorrow because it’s so comfortably depressing
The desire to see family because of all the memories and support
The desire to talk to friends but you don’t want to burden their happiness
The desire to give away all your possessions to make it easier
The desire to talk to friends but you don’t want to burden their happiness
The desire to give away all your possessions to make it easier
The desire to cut to feel again
The desire to die to end this bad dream, this nightmare
The desire to run away and leave everything and everyone far behind
But you’ll still be stuck with you
And all the problems you cause
And all the issues you bring
And all the wrong things you do
And all the ways you’re wrong
And all the ways you failed
And all the people you let down
And all the ways you hurt the ones you love
And all the loneliness you can’t escape
And all the ways you can’t be happy in a world with an addiction to pain and suffering and selfishness and greed
And all the ways people use then abandon each other while calling it love
The past doesn’t matter
The future doesn’t exist
All you can see is the present
This moment
The hour
The minute
The second
Like a dagger darting on a spinning wheel that might fly off, fall off, or keep on ticking around and around
And your never ending pain
And the way to end it all
One way or another
Doesn’t matter how
As long as it ends
